How to start the conversation

Practical ways to open the dialogue with the people you love

Kings and queens.
Geniuses and dreamers.
Neighbors, strangers,
the people you love most.

Before You Begin

Six things worth knowing first.

01

There Is No Perfect Moment

Waiting for the right time means waiting forever. The best moment is the one you create — over coffee, on a walk, in the quiet of an ordinary Tuesday.

02

One Conversation Is Enough to Start

You don't need to cover everything at once. A single honest exchange plants a seed. The rest grows from there.

03

Silence Is Not Protection

We avoid the topic thinking it shields the people we love. It doesn't. It leaves them unprepared — and alone with their own fears.

04

It Gets Easier Every Time

The first conversation is the hardest. After that, it becomes something you do — not something you dread. Like any muscle, it strengthens with use.

05

You Don't Have to Have the Answers

This isn't a lecture or a lesson plan. It's a conversation. You're allowed to say "I don't know." That honesty is exactly the point.

06

This Is an Act of Love

Starting this conversation is one of the most loving things you can do. It says: I care enough about you to face the hard things together.

5 Ways to Begin.

01
The Gentle Entry

Use someone else's story to open the door.

A news story. A film. A friend's experience. Sometimes the easiest way in is through someone else's door. It removes the pressure of making it personal right away — and lets the conversation find its own footing.

Try saying...

"I was reading about this family who had to make decisions without knowing what their dad would have wanted. It made me think — do we know what each other would want?"

Tip: Let the other person respond before steering it toward your own wishes. Follow their lead.

02
The Practical Approach

Frame it as paperwork, not a goodbye.

Wills. Advance directives. Funeral preferences. These are practical documents — and treating them that way takes the emotional weight off the opening. "I'm getting my affairs in order" is a sentence that opens doors without sounding like a farewell.

Try saying...

"I've been meaning to sort out my will and write down my wishes. Would you be willing to do the same? I think it would give us both peace of mind."

Tip: Offer to go first. Sharing your own wishes makes it easier for others to share theirs.

03
The Personal Invitation

Share your own wishes first.

Vulnerability is an invitation. When you share what you want — for your end of life, for your legacy, for how you want to be remembered — you give the other person permission to do the same. It's not morbid. It's intimate.

Try saying...

"I've been thinking about what I'd want if something happened to me. Can I tell you? And I'd love to know what you'd want too."

Tip: Keep it light where you can. This conversation can include humor, warmth, and even laughter.

04
The Meaningful Moment

Let a milestone be the invitation.

A birthday. A diagnosis. A new year. A loss in the family. Life hands us natural openings — moments when the veil between ordinary life and the bigger questions gets thin. These are the moments to walk through, not away from.

Try saying...

"Losing someone has made me think about things differently. I don't want us to be caught off guard. Can we talk about some of this stuff?"

Tip: You don't need to have the whole conversation at once. Starting is enough.

05
The Direct Path

Just say it. Directly and with love.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply begin. No preamble. No borrowed story. Just you, the person you love, and the truth that you want to face this together. It's awkward for about thirty seconds. Then it becomes one of the most important conversations you've ever had.

Try saying...

"I want to talk about death — ours, eventually. Not because I'm scared, but because I love you and I want us to be ready. Is that okay?"

Tip: The discomfort you feel is the conversation working. Stay with it.

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“I have no fear of losing my life — if I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake, mate, I will save it.”
— Steve Irwin